#WeekendCoffeeShare: In Which I Talk About My Anxiety

If we were having coffee, I’d probably have a really, really big cuppa this morning. It’s been a week of dreary weather, lots of things to do, and life has thrown a few plot twists into the mix. Everything I’m been working on has taken longer than I thought it would, and the weather has made me super-sleepy. I miss the sun.

And so I’d sit, with my enormous cup of coffee, hopefully in a patch of sunshine, and we’d chat.

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If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I’m going to see a circus/sideshow style Where the Wild Things Are stage adaptation tonight. I’d tell you that I’m really excited but also a little nervous. Is that weird? Maybe. Social anxiety and whatnot.

I’ve been fascinated by sideshows and circus themes for really long time. But that fascination came as an adult. When I was a child, I was repelled; circuses always seemed to involve animals–sad animals like Dumbo.

I can only remember going once, though, and I was so worried about the poor creatures in the show that I couldn’t enjoy it.  Of course, it seems, I was right to be concerned. And I was. I got unaccountably saddened by the entire thing.

And of course, I don’t especially enjoy clowns.

I’m not sure exactly when my repulsion turned into curiosity and fascination, but at some point, I became fascinated with circus culture. Circuses and carnivals are liminal spaces. Anything can happen.

And of course, we’re not talking about a traditional circus performance that I’m going to. It’s a variety show with a sideshow-esque feel.

And it’s an adaptation of one of my favorite books, one of my favorite things to see adapted. It’s Where the Wild Things Went. It’s already subversive, and then it takes a subversive children’s book and uses it. That makes the nerdy part of me very happy. 🙂

Of course my social anxiety is kicked up a bit. Variety of people, small venue, potential for the kind of put-you-on-the-spot interaction between the crowd and performers that is fun to watch but scary for a person with social anxiety.

…And then I just have to have a sense of humor about the situation. I’m going to such a show, such a place, and I’m worried about being a spectacle. It’s such a small problem. Such an ironic one.

The show is about what happens after Max is asleep, and it features some NOLA performers I know and some that I have heard of but haven’t yet seen in action, and it’ll be a nice chance for Sam and I to get out while Little Jedi is away.

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If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I fell a little bit off track with the yoga this week due to unforeseen circumstances (including laziness) but have cut back to one small (8 oz) soda a day at most and am having fresh fruit smoothies for breakfast each morning.

One step back, but one step forward.

Next week, my goal is to pick the yoga right back up while maintaining the decrease in junky foods and sodas. It’s been a challenge.

I’ve been a picky eater my entire life. I have real problems with the textures of a lot of foods. And I don’t mean just “I don’t like this texture.” I mean that some of them make me feel nauseated. I know that’s as odd, but there it is.

(And it’s led to some awkward situations over the years, trust me. No one wants to be rude to a host, but is it ruder to refuse food or to be sick at the table? My reaction to some textures really isn’t something I can control.)

Anyway, being picky has led me to some poor eating choices that have developed into poor eating habits over the years. And so now, like the other things, I’m working on making healthier eating choices.

So today my coffee’s probably a little less sweet than I actually like it, a little darker than I normally drink it, to cut down the calories a bit. Especially since, as I mentioned earlier, I’ll be drinking more of it than normal!

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Don’t forget to link up your “if we were having coffee” posts on the linky below, and make sure you share your posts on Facebook and Twitter using the #weekendcoffeeshare tag!

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